Created Female

I am a Ph.D. student.  And I am a mom.  Before I was a mom, I never really thought of being female as something all that significant.  Not to say that I was oblivious to traditional gender roles and the biblical debates.  But being female didn't seem to affect my giftedness one way or the other, or my calling, or my friendships, or my worship, or really anything in my life that I thought of as significant.  Yes, I had that annoying monthly issue.  Yes, my breasts developed differently than those of men.  But it didn't seem to really matter.

Years later, I got pregnant.  The plan was for me to take my comprehensive exams, have the baby a few weeks later, take a few weeks to recover, put the baby in childcare, and plunge into the dissertation.  The plan seemed perfectly reasonable to me.

Throughout the pregnancy, I would marvel at the fact that I didn't have to read a book about how to carry the baby in my womb.  Somehow the body just knew how.  Perfectly.  Then the baby was born, and I was surprised at how incessantly this little limp person still needed me, my milk, the warmth of my skin, the sound of my voice familiar from the womb, the presence of my maternal love. I didn't think it would be best for her, or for me, to jump back into work.  Since I didn't have to, I didn't.  And as I've met more and more new moms, I am struck at how many quit their jobs if they are able once they have a child.  

I have learned a lot through this experience of what it means to be created female.  And I've learned a lot about the de-womanization that our society does to its daughters.  Until I had a baby, I thought of the distinctively female parts of myself as either (1) meant to be sexually stimulating (e.g., breasts, etc) or (2) a real annoyance to be medicated (e.g., menstral cycle, mood swings, PMS, pregnancy potential, etc).  But what if, instead of a sex object or disease, my femininity is fearfully and wonderfully made?  What if being in a natural cyclical rhythm like the moon and seasons isn't a problem but is something beautiful, like an ocean wave?  What if my overwhelming desire to be all alone and curl up in bed one or two days a month isn't first a bother to an economy of efficiency but is rather first a potentially fruitful gift out of which God intends to bring something good to all of creation?  What if I am called to the workplace AND I am called to care for my baby, not in the way a man in a suit decides is appropriate (e.g., 6 weeks maternity leave and then hand over the baby and plunge back in like nothing happened...), but in a way that is to this day unimagined by our society (like, bring the baby to work held against her in a sling and nurse throughout the day covered by nursing shirts).  I am amazed at my body's ability to nourish life in those ways in which it is distinctively female.  

O God, thank you for creating us male and female.  Teach us to truly appreciate both in all of the complexities.  Teach society to allow women to be women.  Amen.