These past few weeks my husband and I have been dealing with a messy situation at church. I find myself thinking about it all the time. My mind races through memories of conversations, ideas for things we could do differently, things I could say and things I wish I had said... These thoughts over the stressful situation are with me almost constantly. And when I'm not thinking about it, I'm planning dinner, thinking about when I'm going to work on my dissertation next and what my plan of attack is for that, whether to sign my daughter up for music or gymnastics class, and on and on.
A few nights ago, as I laid my daughter by my spot on the bed, pulled the covers up over us, and laid my head down on the pillow next to hers, I suddenly realized that here I am with my daughter, enjoying a finite precious moment that will soon be gone, and I was not even there - I was thinking a million different things, other things, things that did not need to be thought about at that moment, but I was missing the gift of the relationship God had given me for that moment. I want to live in this moment, because that is where God is.
I don't just do this with my daughter. I do this with God, as well. I try to spend a significant chunk of time praying each day, but on too many days, even when I take the time to pray, my mind is constantly going a million different directions. And in the process I miss the precious moment with my Savior - the moment of peace, the moment of rest, the moment that can prepare me well for the next.
Scripture says, "Do not worry about tomorrow." "Cast your cares upon the Lord, for he cares for you." "Do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not let them be afraid." "Abide in me... apart from me you can do nothing." It does not say, "If you just stress out about this enough eventually you'll work it all out." Living in the moment, trusting God with all the rest, is one of the hardest things for me. It's like my brain just won't do it. But I am tired of missing the gift, the rest, the peace, the joy that God provides for me at just the right moment, in just the right way, with all the fullness of his trustworthy presence and strength. I want to live in the moment, because that is where the great I AM is to be found.