Baby's Gift for Ministry

Before I became a mom, I was super active in the church.  I did everything from teach Bible Studies to print the bulletin to sweep the floor.  I went to divinity school and got an M.Div.  I have felt a strong call into the ministry since college - not so much ordained, "elder" ministry, but still a really strong call into ministry.  I'm currently even a Ph.D. student in biblical studies, and I'm working on my dissertation whenever I have a spare hour or two.  But now I also have my daughter, and everything has changed.  No longer do I have the time to do half the things I use to do.  This has caused a tremendous strain on me.  On the one hand, I know have this call into ministry.  On the other hand, as I work out what it means to be a mom, I am finding that I really believe it is in the baby's best interest for me to be at home with her.  The strain is painful, and I have been praying for God to make a way for every part of me, the way he has been creating me  - me as a scholar, me as a mom, me as a pastor's wife, me as a woman of God - for all of this to come together in a way that glorifies him.  As I continue to struggle with this, God has given me some initial answers along the way.  One thing he has opened my eyes to is the particular, special giftedness of babies.  One afternoon back in May, I was visiting an elderly lady who had Altheimer's with my husband.  The baby was, as always, with me.  This lady was not generally the most pleasant person to be around.  But when she saw that baby, it was like something deep inside of her responded.  She actually smiled and, if I remember correctly, laughed.  Her son, who was with us, said he had not seen her act so sane in months.  When I go youth group, which my husband leads, these generally insecure teenagers have someone to focus upon outside of themselves, and it brightens the entire mood.  Just about everywhere I take the baby, the atmosphere changes.  I think it has something to do with their big, open, gazing eyes, the awe they exhibit at the simplest of contraptions, their complete lack of understanding with regard to appropriate behavior and thus the forgiveness they inspire in people.  Not all people in all places respond well to babies - worship services at my church have sadly been one place where the atmosphere change has not been warmly received - but there are places where she is a sure bet to lift the spirits of the downtrodden, like the nursing home.  So in this stage of life I don't have time anymore to put together Bible Studies and work on the bulletin.  But as I minister to my baby, I can help her discover where her gifts for ministry lie in the various stages of her life.  And in this stage in both of our lives, where I am a new mom and my daughter is a baby, we can do those things for which we are uniquely gifted in this moment.